


'I Loved You'

by ravencmpire



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angry Lena Luthor, Angst, F/F, Hurt, Kara needs a hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Love/Hate, Pain, SuperCorp, lena needs a hug, no happy ending, s5e1 little rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:40:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravencmpire/pseuds/ravencmpire
Summary: Season 5 Episode 1:A day before Kara gets the Pulitzer Lena is attacked by two men who want to kidnap her and bring her to the one who ordered it. But plans change because Lena is Lena and doesn't do what others tell her to. Supergirl saves her just in the right moment. After that a certain bubbly blonde comes by and Lena is to stressed and angry to keep it a secret that she knows the truth.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	'I Loved You'

It was just about lunch time as Lena got herself a glass of wine in her apartment to get rid of the feelings which were floating her. She had brought most of her work home for the day to plan her revenge tomorrow. The AI 'Hope' was dematirialized and the linses were hidden in her bedroom. One more day to go and she would expose Kara to the world. She would take away her secret identity and the so called _hero_ would be broken.

The thought of that didn't bring any pleasure to Lena but maybe it would ease her broken heart if she could hurt Kara the way she hurted her.

Shouting outside her apartment and fight noises shook her out of her train of thoughts. Her eyes widened in shock and her hand automatically traveled under her couch searching for the gun she knew she had normally put there.

But there was nothing to grab. She had left it in her bedroom this morning. Lenas heart skipped a beat, anger upon herself rose in her while she tried to reason that she could still use a vase or her glass, maybe the bottle? Her gaze stopped at the sight of her kitchen. If she was fast enough she could reach it and grab one of the large knives and defend herself somehow. The raven haired women grabbed the bottle (just to be sure) and pushed herself to run to her kitchen when the door shot open revealing two men in balck clothing with black masks, their guns now pointing at the frozen CEO.

A thousand curses shot through Lenas mind but she remained silent, still eyeing the knives out of her reach. There was no way she could grab one of those if her unwanted guests would shoot her by the slightest move. 

"Lena Luthor...finally we meet", one of the men addressed her with a voice so deep and nasty that every cell in her body told her to run. She could only see the eyes of both men but she was sure that the man who had spoken smirked. "You have an advantage. You know my name but i certainly don't know yours", she tried to catch time, still challanging her mind to come up with a plan to survive this threat.

"Nah...Everyone knows your name. Our names don't matter. But what matters is that we have a job to do. And you are going to help us", he was definitly smirking, she would bet her life on it. "And what if not?", she asked raising her eyebrow a narrow politican smile on her lips. She recongnized her mistake a second too late as her words already left her mouth and the anger in their positions, their eyes became evident. "Then we make you come with us." They stoke through her apartment, coming closer while the CEO tried to get back behind the couch to have at least a little space between them.

"Who are you working for? I would consider which side you are on before you make a mistake and end up dead or worse." Information, questioning was always a good way to buy time. The men were silent for a moment, looking at each other and Lena had just enough time to whisper a name before one of the bowls near were she stood exploded and pieces of glass her floor and her couch plastered, not to mention her clothes. She had losen the grip on the bottle and with the other glass there now was a pool of wine and more glass on her carpet and her trousers.

Lenas ears rang, her heart beating so fast that she thought it was a wonder she was still conscious. One of the men had used his gun and she was sure that both would use their guns if she didn't comply. But she had to make time, keep the hope that her whisper had been heard. Maybe just a few more seconds.

"Don't try your games Luthor. You will do as we say and you will come with us. _Now_!" He aimed his gun at her while the other man tried to approach her, handcuffs meant for her now visible. But the scientist stood her ground. "Oh. I see", she paused, smirking. " But i am not trying. I already won", she wasn't sure herself if she was bluffing or not but she prayed that she was right. Her comment had apparently caused the thread of patience to rip because the man who with the handcuffs stopped in his tracks while the other one growled.

**Bang.**

The sound was still in the air as a blue-red flash rushed through the broken door and caught the bullet right on time, just inches away from Lena. They stood so close that Lena could see the little scarf over Karas eyebrow just like she recognized these ocean blue eyes she used to love. Just as fast Supergirl was infront of her the blonde managed to stop the escape of the masked men.

,,You get yourself your time, Supergirl", Lena commented pretending not to know who she really was speaking too, a small forced smile on her face after the hero had both men in her grib and was using the handcuffs to hold them.

,,I'm sorry, Miss Luthor. Traffic was kinda hard", the Super answerd with an apologetic smile but a hint of joking in her voice.

~~

The hero had shortly left because of a fire in a school. After the police finished their work and took the men with them Lena got herself even more alcohol and tried to regain her self-control back on, filling her boxes with new memories which would maybe turn into new nightmares. How she hated these attempts of murder, kidnapping or everything else that came with her family name. They got her always unexpected and unprepared so _o great god-complexed Supergirl_ could save the day.

She scoffed and finished her glass of wine only to get another. Maybe Scotch or Whiskey would be next after that. Maybe she should have stayed in her office till her lunch with Kara and not at her apartment. She would have to double the security.

,,Knock, knock."

At the sound of the familiar voice which used to sooth her feelings the ravenhaired turned around to see Kara inspecting the apartment, focussing on the shaddered glass, the water and wine on the carpent and the floor. Lena hadn't started to clean up and she could see that the reporter was on the way to ask her if she could help her.

,,Kara." The blondes smile was small while her eyes and face were filled with worry, in her hand two bags from 'Big Belly Burger'.  
,,I heard about your...visitors?...about two men here. Are you okay? I would have been faster but I got caught up."

Lena almost forgot to breath as the lie escaped Karas lips so easily just like the other ones before she knew. How could she have been so blind? There were so many things that had pointed to Kara being Supergirl. She had been right when she thought that Kara had flown her somewhere as she had been poisoned, not to mention that Kara always seemed to miss Supergirl and still knew so much about her. And the most obvious one: 'I flew here on a bus'. If it wouldn't be so hurting she would laugh and say she would have to give all her degrees back by being fooled by a pair of glasses, a different hairstyle and clothes.

,,Oh Kara. C'mon. We both know that you've already been here", she scoffed and turned towards the counter in her kitchen.

Kara frowned at her tone and shakes her head, caught off guard.  
,,How so? I don't understand wha-"

,,Really? Because I do, **Supergirl.** ", the CEO said, voice cold as ice at least as sharp, a poisoning pause after 'Supergirl'.  
,,I now unterstand exactly", another threatening pause. "You _lied_ to me. Just like all the people I let into my life. All the people I've known."

With an inner satisfying smile Lena saw in the corner of her eye that the heros face fell and the suprise in her eyes. ,,And just like _**everyone**_ else you were using me. For your storys, as surce, as friend."  
Her voice remaind cold but began to tremble, her fight with her tears not won.  
Just lucky Kara couldn't see her face with Lenas back turned towards her. And Kara was fast to explain, to reassure that she didn't use her, that she _is_ her friend.

Minutes past where Lena ignored Karas words, excuses and her trying to explain everything and instead started to clean up the mess on her furniture and floor created by the intruders.

After the floor and the couch were clean, the carpet next next to her laundry and the only thing that showed the incedent happend was the cracked lock at the door Lena sighs because Kara was still rambling, still trying to get the attention of her former best friend.

More minutes past where Lena stayed silent before Kara stopped her begging voice and her attempt to get any reaction from the CEO.

,,For Rao's sake, Lena! Please...let me explain!", she started again desperate for Lena to hear what she had to say. This time her voice smaller and quiet. Kara was almost begging for her to listen but the ravenhaired shook her head no and suddenly turned around to finally face Kara. She had lost the fight. Tears were filling her eyes, tears she'd held back for weeks. Since she knew it.

,, **No** , Kara!", She said emphatically, a slight tremble in her voice. ,,You don't get it, do you? I _loved_ you! The whole goddamn time i loved you! Since James and I broke up..." She stopped herself before she lost her self-control completly.

Kara stands silent, shocked about her words. She was too scared that Lena would kick her out if she would just say one word. She even stopped breathing for a few seconds. And in this moment she realizied that Lena never told her the reason why she broke up with James. Kara had always assumed it was because they both didn't fit together and realized that they were better as friends besides that Lena told her it was because James didn't agree with a project Lena had been working on.

It took several seconds for Lena to regain her self-control and continue. Several seconds for Kara to question herself and beating herself up for not asking about it, not making a move, not seeing what had been right infront of her. That Lena had maybe felt the same attraction to her that the blonde feels for Lena. 

"I broke up with him not just because he didn't agree with me on my work. We manly broke up because I was in love with _you_ , Kara."

Lena went silent again, unsure if she wanted to tell her. To tell her everything and to let her in. But she had to. She wanted to hurt her and show her how much it hurts when a person turned out as a completly stranger. She wanted to reach her aim, wanted to go on and for that she had to leave Kara behind. Forever. 

"...and i wanted to tell you. But you weren't here often. Then my brother came in the way, Eves betrayal and i got caught up in my analyses with your sister and Supergirl to help her to find the truth", she almost spit the word Supergirl out with so much bitterness and anger that Kara flinched.

"Than you, Kara, showed up and only wanted information. You didn't even seemed interested how I was and i was angry and hurt so you were the one i blamed...thanks to Brainy and your Interview with Dreamer...no..excuse me, Nia, I realized that I was the one who disappointed you in the first place because i weren't even listening to you. So i went to you and opend up. We went to Kasnia...and as this bomb exploded I thought...I thought", she closed her eyes for a moment taking a deep breath while the memory replayed itself in her head. "I thought I lost you and I was so scared about you because I thought I would never come to tell you."

Another Pause. Kara adjusted her glasses, her eyes filled with guilt, uncertainty and deep sadness. Contrary to her expectations Lena doesn't felt satisfied at all. She felt guilty to be the reason of Karas pain. And that made her angry again. It wasn't her fault. Kara should feel that way. And at the same time something in her wanted to hug the Kryptonian, felt guilt and hurt because she hurted Kara out of intention. She pushed it down.

"But you weren't hurt and I couldn't bring myself to say it. And then you went to the president and he was with Lex and I didn't know what happed and I was worried again. And then....Supergirl was fighting with my brother, he disappeared and I was waiting for him, I shoot him..and then...he told me. I saw you. You – using powers only Supergirl had. And I couldn't believe it. My _best_ friend, my crush for more than a year, _lied_ to me", she chuckled humorlessly, monoton.

"You are Supergirl. And you **never** told me." Besides the accusation, there was also sadness and despair in her voice and her eyes as she finally looked back at Kara. Anger still evident, roaring through her but she had one question that followed her everywhere thinking about it, trying to find an explanation why Kara didn't trust her.

"Was it because I am a Luthor?"

Shock was that what would discribe Karas feelings best. Shock and deep sadness. Because she feels the same way Lena feels or better felt for her. She loves Lena.  
In so much more ways than she loved Mon-El. She loves her with all her heart and that would make her pay now. Because Lena was right. There was nothing that would excuse her. Because it was true. She lied. For three years, every day. Not because of the Luthor name but because she wanted to protect her from even more enemies with her already large target on her back.

"No, Lee..na. Of course not. I wanted to protect you! I know you are tough and i know that you know what you are doing. You are one of the best, the most amazing persons I know. Everything I said was true. You are a kindharted, beautiful soul. And-"

" **Kara**! You don't get it. You _lied_ to me. For Years! Every fucking day. And I loved you. _You don't need to protect me._ I thought I could _finally_ trust somebody in my life who was there and only saw me as whom i was! And now...everybody knew. You are _worse_ than my brother or my mother!" She said it. She really said it. If she was honest the CEO was a little shocked at herself.

And than she saw the whole pain in Karas face. The pain, the guilt and sadness. So much sadness. And for one good second Lena felt satisfied because Kara was hurt like she was.

"I...i did", Kara stuttered after seconds that felt like eternity, her bubbly happy face and nature gone. There was more guilt and pain in her voice than Lena had expected which stunned her. While Lena looked at Kara, the blonde fought her tears, the desperation which overtook her next to the sadness and heartbreak. "I lied. And it was wrong, I should have told you because I know you better than everyone." She took a shaky breath and looked Lena in the eyes. "And i am so sorry", her tears just as free as Lenas were not a long time ago.

"As I said two years ago. People who are unmasked can easily admit mistakes. And you knew that I can never trust someone who lied to me again", Lena snorted and turned to the couch to sit down, trying to mask the guilt and pain she was in, wanting to forgive Kara and at the same time push her so far away she could never reach her again. Making sure her walls would be twice as thick as before.

"So if there is nothing else you want to say you can leave the same way you came, Miss Danvers." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kara flinch again and almost regret the harshness in her dismissive words, her words in the first place.

"I am sorry, Lena. For everything. I was hurting you...just like everyone else and I'm so so sorry", her voice was trembeling, a sob not far away, tears still running down her pale cheeks, her ocean eyes so dark and lost. "I love you, Lena. Although you don't love me anymore."

First there was nothing more than silence between them than she heard steps and felt a gust of wind shortly after announcing that Kara left.

And with the realisation that Kara, sweet sunny Kara Danvers, wasn't here anymore, left, the emptiness returned. Accompanied by regret and the wish Kara would come back to her.


End file.
